another moral hangover. fuck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
