This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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