Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
