nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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