I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
