I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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