Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
