You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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