well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
