I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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