ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
