New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
