It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
