You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
