you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
