i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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