Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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