we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
