Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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