he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I touched a dick in church today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
