Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
