So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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