so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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