It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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