Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
