The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
