I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
