You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i came on her dog
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
