He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
