why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
