The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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