then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
