Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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