well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
