My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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