why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
