I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You don't make any sense
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