So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
pray to the hookup gods
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
