How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
