Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
