no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
