You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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