Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
