Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
