I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
