3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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