I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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