When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
