Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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