Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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