she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
