Ambien. No doubt about it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
