So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
