White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
