Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
