am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
