we're blogging at a bar
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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