I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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