marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
