I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
