High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
