hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
